Each year on Oct. 11, the LGBTQ+ community and their allies honor National Coming Out Day, celebrating empowerment, visibility and identity through their journeys to self-discovery. Eastern Michigan University has celebrated National Coming Out Day since its inception in 1988.
Coming out is a complicated topic, but people do not have to be out to be a part of the community. Many people can feel pressured to conform to specific standards of what it means to be queer, but queerness is not a fixed measure. EMU’s LGBT Resource Center welcomes individuals from all walks of life, regardless of how they identify.
One of the resource center’s core beliefs is that identification with the LGBTQ+ community is just one aspect of a person’s identity. Exploring one’s identity is an important step in self-discovery, but it should not define a person entirely. People can be smart, talented, and accomplished individuals with fulfilling hobbies and careers while also identifying as queer.
The experience of coming out varies widely. Some individuals may hide their identities for years, while others are outed against their will or face dangerous situations. Many, however, are embraced with open arms and support. National Coming Out Day was created to give members of the community a safe space to share their stories and connect.
In several places along campus, small flags have been placed to create a rainbow in the lawn.
Many students at EMU have powerful coming out stories, and I was lucky enough to hear a few of them. Student A came out to their mom during quarantine, knowing she would be accepting. Having witnessed her acceptance of their transgender uncle years earlier, they hoped for a positive response.
When they told their mom they identified as queer, she responded that it didn’t matter to her. Although they were initially taken aback, Student A later realized their mom has accepted it as a part of life. Later, their mom had explained that she was not surprised by the news, and had suspected they were queer since they were little. Student A said that they feel lucky to have such a casual and accepting coming out experience.
Student S was also grateful to have a happy coming out story.
“I realized I was a lesbian when I was twelve years old, and I was absolutely terrified to come out to my Romani family,” S said. “I was out to my friends at school, but I didn’t think my Catholic family would accept me.”
When she was sixteen years old, she was going through a particularly difficult time, and one day, her mom came into her room and simply said, “I don’t want this rift between us. I know you’re gay. Your dad knows you’re gay. It’s okay.”
S was immediately shocked and relieved. Although she didn't make the choice to come out to her parents, the weight was lifted from her shoulders. She now describes her dad’s stance on her sexuality as confused but supportive.
During quarantine in 2020, Student C knew they were queer, but hadn’t come out to anyone yet. The first time they came out, they took a subtle approach. They had made themselves a necklace with three beads representing the bisexual pride flag: one blue, one purple, and one pink. They wore it during a Zoom call with their friend, and their friend inquired about the beads.
“I’m not ready to say it yet, but I think you know what it means,” C said.
They were relieved when she accepted them and came out as asexual as well. Together, they built confidence in their identities, and became much closer after coming out to each other. A while later, C had been feeling a lot of anxiety, and they came to the realization that they were feeling not anxiety, but gender dysphoria.
They confided in their friend and found comfort when she asked for their pronouns. Months later, the two became inseparable, and they had a discussion about deciphering emotions for people.
“I wish I could just tell people, ‘Hey, I am having feelings for you, but I’m not sure what kind yet. Can I hang around with you until I figure it out?’" C said.
When their friend agreed, they repeated the phrase and asked her out. They were both able to explore their feelings together, just as they had explored their identities. Four years later, they are still a happy couple.
The unfortunate part about coming out is that people almost always have to do it more than once.
Student A later came out to their community as asexual and was met with distrust and hostility.
“People would say things to me like I was heartless or a robot. One of my friends asked if I even loved my mom. Of course I love my mom. That has nothing to do with my sexuality,” Student A said.
Many people outside of the LGBTQ+ community lack understanding of less common identifications and therefore are less likely to respect them.
Although Student S was quickly accepted by her parents as a lesbian, her small town did not share the same beliefs. During the summer before her senior year, S was seventeen years old, and she was informed that her school board would be debating whether the district’s health class should include an LGBTQ+ curriculum.
She was passionate about the subject and decided to speak for LGBTQ+ education by presenting her story to the board. She reported that the other community members at the meeting were clearly upset by her stance, whispering to each other and making noises during her presentation.
After the meeting was over, her local newspaper printed an article including her full name, identity, and story without her knowledge or consent. She recalled that one morning, her mom woke up to the sound of her daughter’s voice on the radio; a recording of the school board meeting that S did not know about had been released to the radio station, also without her knowledge or consent.
S was immediately overwhelmed with comments and messages from her community members. Both people she knew personally and strangers from religious groups would send her death threats through Facebook. As she continued to go to the school board meetings, she needed to be escorted to and from her car for her own safety. Her car was keyed and she felt as though her whole community was against her.
"The fact that they were so comfortable hating on a seventeen-year-old student at their school was mind-blowing to me,” S said.
One of her best friends’ grandmothers had posted a death threat on Facebook, and when her friend confronted her grandmother about it, she realized at whom her cruelty was directed, and she deleted the post.
“Humanizing me killed her anger at me. Once she knew who I was, she wasn’t so hateful,” S said.
Through this hostility, S commented that her personal circle strengthened immensely. Her parents, friends and loved ones supported her through her community’s backlash. She continued to fight for the LGBTQ+ curriculum despite the mess her town had made of her.
Although she has moved away from that town to a more welcoming community, this situation has had a permanent impact on her life. Not only has she had to work through the emotional struggles of everything she had to deal with, but her name is now marred.
“If you Google my name, you will see my LinkedIn profile, my work page, and then all of the articles and posts about me going to hell for being gay," S said.
Coming out is an intimidating act for most people who identify as LGBTQ+. Some people are welcomed with open arms, while others may be kicked out of their home or put in danger.
Sometimes, individuals don’t get the chance to come out, and they are outed to their family, friends or community without their approval. Others may choose to wait or never to come out at all, and they are still valid in their identities.
On Oct. 10, 2024, the LGBTQ+ Resource Center welcomed the EMU community to share their stories in a safe environment during their “Out on the Lawn” event.
Here, students had the opportunity to take home pride gear, decorate sunglasses, register to vote, make their own snack mix, and share their stories with their peers. On the lawn, students could place a flag signifying an important event in their queer identity. The lawn was peppered with colorful flags, showing the years of growth and stories our community has fostered.
The “Out on the Lawn” event served not only as a celebration of individual stories, but also as a reminder of the strength found in community. As students shared their experiences, they built connections that reaffirmed the idea that every journey is unique, yet part of a larger tapestry of identity. The colorful flags that dotted the lawn stood as symbols of resilience, pride and the ongoing fight for visibility and acceptance.
As we reflect on National Coming Out Day, it is crucial to acknowledge that while some stories are filled with joy and acceptance, others reveal the harsh realities that many still face. This day is a call to action for allies to continue supporting the LGBTQ+ community, to educate themselves and others, and to advocate for an inclusive environment where everyone can feel safe and celebrated for who they are.
