Snow. In the depths of a Michigan winter, the word has become a four-letter word reviled by many. A word that makes images of stuck cars, slipping feet and frostbite clearly form in the mind.
The weather of Michigan in general does not help, sometimes referred to as “bi-polar” for its apparent randomness—although calling it that is probably an insult to the bi-polar community. Still, Michiganders are eager, ready and able to complain about the state’s weather. But in doing so, they fail to see the benefits.
Harsh weather requires adaptation in order to survive. The end of the ice ages brought extinction to a mass of species that had evolved specifically to survive the harsh and erratic climate of the period. However, some animals were able to adapt out of the ice age, just as they had adapted to the ice age. Should severe climate change wrack the earth, Michiganders will stand as one group of new inheritors of the changed world.
Not only are we well-situated for a new ice age, we’re also prepared for the reverse. Humid and erratically hot summers are only a few months away and are another common staple of Michigan weather. If global warming is real, then we will again be the forerunners of a new group of severe weather survivors.
Now, you’re probably thinking “Well that’s all well and good, but what about zombie apocalypses and nuclear war?” Glad you asked, concerned reader. The best defense against the zombie apocalypse is a shotgun, or even better, a rifle. Michigan has deer hunters and an NRA presence, ensuring if the zombie apocalypse should arise, the hearty, weather-resistant population will be ready to fend it off.
As for nuclear war, portions of the Upper Peninsula are mountainous, and if I recall my Sci-Fi Channel science classes correctly, radiation settles in lowlands. This will ensure a small, rugged band of survivors within the mountains of Michigan, once again poised to survive in the aftermath of planetary devastation. If the zombie apocalypse coincides with the nuclear war then we might be in trouble.
From the ruins of the old world, a new era will arise. Only by embracing the harsh environment of our state and appreciating its benefits to our physical and mental existence can we hope to survive in that new age. Readied by years of unpredictable and extreme climate, the people of Michigan will strike out in that new world to form a new nation, forged in the ashes of the old. Based upon Michigan and other harsh climate areas, the survivors will rebuild the world, ready and able to live in whatever insane weather conditions exist and able to defend against the mutated monstrosities that roam the landscape.
So remember the next time you’re complaining about the weather, that weather might be what keeps you alive in the event of global warming, nuclear winter, zombie apocalypse or the various combinations thereof.
