I’ve just received some very alarming news.
I heard a report on the radio that “metrosexuality,” the lifestyle that spawned my career as a writer, is now out of style. The days of foo-foo drinks and clean-pressed shirts are apparently a thing of the past.
Instead, the days of the beer-guzzling jock are returning. That’s right, guys don’t have to pretend to be sensitive anymore. They can finally relax and let their inner misogynist roam free once again.
Of course, I heard this report on a sports talk radio station. It might be a bit self-serving, so take it with a grain of salt.
When I first heard this, I was concerned for my livelihood. After all, as I’ve said on more than one occasion in this column, I was a metrosexual before there was such a thing as a metrosexual. What would I do if my niche ceased to exist? I might have to find a real job!
But then I paused for a moment to think, and I realized this was probably a good thing.
I began becoming disenchanted by the metrosexual movement a few years ago when I was confronted with a couple of women at the bar who contended I was not metro. I was apparently not wearing what they considered the required uniform.
After that, I began to see books about how to become metro. Books like “The Metrosexual Guide to Style: A Handbook for the Modern Man” by Michael E. Flocker. In it, he describes how to dress and act metro.
It really disturbed me.
Metrosexuality has never been about wearing a certain type of clothing, to me. It has never been about drinking Smirnoff Ice instead of PBR. It has never been about ensuring you have the required amount of sculpting paste in your hair.
To me, metrosexuality has always been about being in touch with your emotions. It’s about breaking down gender stereotypes and accepting there is no reason a guy can’t enjoy a bath, a manicure or “Wicked” and still be a man.
Yes, he can also enjoy an ice cold PBR and go to a Tigers game. He can still ride a Harley and go rock climbing. Metrosexuality isn’t about abandoning everything that traditionally makes a man a man.
Metrosexuality is about becoming confident in yourself for who you are. It’s about acknowledging it to the world if you think beer tastes like sweat and would much prefer a good pinot blanc. Not because drinking wine makes you come across as more sensitive than you are, but because it’s what you enjoy and you’ll be damned if you’re going to let someone else tell you how to live your life.
That’s something that became lost as metrosexuality became more popular. People began treating it as a piece of clothing you could put on or take off as it suited you. They never embraced the serenity of evolving beyond the old societal norms that shackle men.
I’m not worried about myself, though. There will always be a place in the world for sensitive guys. There are countless amazing women who would prefer to be with a guy who listens and tries to understand. Someone who appreciates the finer things in life.
Besides, as more guys abandon ship on their metrosexuality, the competition for those quality women decreases. So go back to your belching contests and ass-grabbing. I’m just going to stock up on Smirnoff Ice and mineral baths and wait for the dust to settle.
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